We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
