if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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