So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
