Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
