Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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