New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
