why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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