I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
