i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
