Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Houston, we have a blender
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
