Duck Duck Cougar?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
