my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
