he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
