he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
