Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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