saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
