someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
