So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
