I molested 6 butterflies tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You smell like stripper and shame
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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