When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
