who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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