Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We got so high we made milksteak
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
