Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
