ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
