I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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