Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
