he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
