Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
