does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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