just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
