your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
