I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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