My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
