we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
