if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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