We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
