I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
