I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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