Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
