see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
