Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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