I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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