she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
