New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I deserve this hangover.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
