Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
