clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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