sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
