i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
