and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So much rum. So many feels.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
