do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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