what if every blade of grass was a penis?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
