Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
