Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
