So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
