I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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