Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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